Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Congratulation Lebanon

I would like to take the opportunity in this joyful day and congratulate our neighbours, the Lebanese, for making such a historic, humanly-impossible-to-achieve deal.

To those who happen to read this blog but have no clue what happens in Lebanon and what deal that is, here is a summary of Lebanon's history.

Lebanon for dummies:

  • Few years ago, Lebanon was existed

  • Few years after, Lebanese started killing one another based on their sects and political affiliation

  • Few years after that, Lebanese stopped killing one another after huge efforts, mediation and military intervention from the Arabs

  • Few years after that , the Arabs stopped their mediation and military intervention as Lebanese must have matured.

  • Few years after that and few months ago, Lebanese got nostalgic and started killing one another based on sect and political affiliation.

  • Few days ago, the Arabs started mediating and just today a historic deal between the Lebanese shepherds,aka ex-war-lords et al., was struck.

This deal comprises of the following:

  1. Thou Lebanese should not kill one another

  2. A trial period is needed to test the ability of a Lebanese to co-exist with another Lebanese who belongs to a different sect

  3. A Lebanese of a certain sect can only elect another Lebanese of the same sect, inter-sectarian voting is therefore frowned upon.

Viva Le Liban indeed!

Photo from

Friday, May 09, 2008

Happy Birthday Israel...

Let’s try to be civilized for once and share the joy of such a memorable anniversary with our neighbor, Israel. Let’s show that we are stretching our hands for peace with the only democracy in the Middle East and prove to the Western Media that unlike they have been reporting, Israel is not surrounded by “often” hostile neighbors. I here call all my country-men and women to join me here in this post that is dedicated to celebrate the 60th anniversary of Israel.

What’s a better celebration than the one where we give a brief history listing some of the milestones, achievement and contributions to humanity of the “birthday” state, Israel?

We start the party with some milestones in the short history of the state of Israel. Noteworthy that amidst the sea which is the history of Israel, what will be mentioned here is just a drop…

Israeli Milestones:

Giving birth to a nation in Deir Yasin:
The operation was not easy and left thousands of Palestinians dead as a result of tens of massacres committed with cold blood by the birthday boys, the Israelis. Of these massacres, Deir Yassin’s is the most remembered one, although not the most notorious but it was well documented and exposed than tens of other massacres that were committed during the birth of Israel. More than 250 Palestinians who lived in this village were killed in a matter of hours. Some of the survivors said that some of them managed to escape the massacre committed by the Isreali’s Haganah brigade were captured shortly after and shown as trophies in West of Jerusalem and then taken back to Deir Yassin village where they were executed and their corpses thrown into wells. Here is a documentary about this massacre, enjoy:

Bahr Al Baqar Elementary School
Israelis have been fond of education and have given schools a special unprecedented attention. In April 8th 1970, some Isreali jet fighters bombed an Egyptian elementary school killing 31 junior students (8 to 13 year old) and injuring 26. Rumor has it that the Israelis anticipated that those children would have grown up to be terrorists.

Sabra & Shatila
In September 1982, Israel had besieged a Palestinian refugee camp in Lebanon and allowed their thugs in who killed 3500 civilians. The population of the whole camp was wiped out over night. Here are some footages of the event, enjoy:

For an aftermath eyewitness journalist report on this event, click here.

Qana I
In April 1996 (note that 3 out of 4 massacre I have listed were committed in April), the Isreali bombed a UN building in South Lebanon that was sheltering tens of children and women. The outcome was just 106 deaths. Enjoy:

Qana II, the sequel
After the failure in achieving high number of casualties in Qana I, the Israel once again in 2006 committed a second massacre in the same village killing 60 civilians of which 15 were mentally or physically handicapped children, enjoy:

I guess enough now with milestones. Killing thousands of civilians gets boring after a while. So let’s move on and have the birthday party going. We should now celebrate the contributions Israel has made to the civil world.

Israeli Contributions and Achievments:

Stone Breaking Tradition
To be accurate, this was not introduced by Israel as it was first used by the ape man few thousands of years ago when they used to use a stone to break the bones of their prey. Tradition has since died until the birth of Israel. How does it work? Simple, all what you need is a stone and a kid, preferably Palestinian. Hit him hard on the arm with the stone until it cracks, the arm not the stone of course. Not clear yet? Watch the footage then.

Reality TV
Many of you don’t know that the Israelis were the first to introduce this trendy TV programming. Years before it boomed all over the world, it existed in Israel. Here is a sample of in which a father and a son are caught on camera, in a real life situation, being shot at by Israelis. The father is trying to protect his kid and shouting: “you are killing my child”. But the Israelis are well trained, so they impressively kill the kid first so they can give the audience few extra moments of a tormented father mourning his son before they ran out of time and shot the father. All in this footage first broadcasted on French TV:

“Go Green…Go Flesh” Initiative
Researchers have found that when children see their moms being assaulted or shot at, or when they are kicked out of their homes; they might get angry and start throwing stones at the armored car of the aggressors. More dented cars means more paint job, more paint jobs means more ozone-destroying chlorofluorocarbons emitted in the air. The Israeli solution was to bring innocent pass-byers and put them in front of the armored car to receive the stones as other researchers have found that a dented human body is more environment-friendly than a dented car. More details of the process, please watch the footage:

Pre-Emptive Beach Safeguarding
Hundreds of people drown while swimming every year around the world. The regular safe guarding procedures no longer seem to suffice and it was about time to find a new set of procedures. Israel was there to develop the concept of the pre-emptive beach safeguarding. How does it work? Rather than waiting for the people to jump into the water and expose their lives to the threat of drowning, have one of your navy ships launch a missile at every Palestinian family that think of going to the beach for a picnic. Here is a demo:

While the hypocrite civilized world is celebrating the anniversary of the state of blood, Israel, hundreds of thousands of Palestinians are still displaced around the world with no home. Thousands more are suffering inhumane life conditions under Israeli siege in Gaza. Holocausts have been made every day in Palestine for the past 60 years and yet creatures around the world who dare to label themselves as human are celebrating this anniversary. Indeed, it’s a happy world that we live in.